OK, first things first. Your mom ordered the Ood to steal the vat and bring it to Victorian England. I guess you know that part already. It's not the Oods' fault - they just do whatever you tell 'em. But it's not really Penny's fault either.
Yeah, well, I'm ashamed to admit the con man got conned. The vat was only supposed to be gone long enough for a couple of scans - then the Ood'd slip it back under the bed and none of you would ever know it was gone. That was what I was told anyway.
So, hold on, let me get this - as it were - straight. You borrowed my vat-baby to prod at it, and this was for some third party who lied to you and merely kept it? So you're stupid and Penelope is still evil? And you don't have my vat-baby after all?
Stop being a whore, Jack, there are more important things to attend to. Later, though.
Penelope is not evil. She was just trying to help me. And she really did believe your kid should have a proper home. Still does, in fact.
Look, you have every right to be angry. But while we're sitting here, admittedly pleasant as it is, your kid's in a laboratory. We need to retrieve that vat before they think of something worse to do than scans or worse, the kid escapes. For that, I need your help.
Call off Romana! There's only so long I can keep her distracted!
I think Penelope's gone a bit deluded. You shouldn't have dragged her into this. The mad old bat.
A laboratory? Oh, this just gets better and better. I expect when we get to the laboratory someone will say, "Oh, we left it in Aberdeen, go and talk to this other person about it." Go and get my baby back, or I shall be quite upset.
*shrug* What you and her get up to is no business of mine. You baby-stealer slapper.
Can you just tell me what the fuck is going on? I'm getting a bit impatient. Why do you need Reinette if not for hot kinky sex? Where's my baby? Why did you steal it? Why can't I have it back? Which was the Star Wars film? Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?
The Time Agency offered me my missing memories back if I could get the vat away long enough for them to scan. Then the bastards changed the deal on me.
They say they'll return the vat if I bring them Reinette. They don't want an angry Time Lord on their case and neither do I. They say all they want is to do some scans of the mother. Sure. You can see why I need your help, yours and Reinette's. Rose's, too, if she's up for it.
Fucking shagging hell, Jack, it's only two fucking years! They were probably boring years! You'd steal my baby for two boring years where you probably just sat about watching television?
Why the fuck would anyone want to scan Reinette? She's not that interesting. Anyway, I don't want to let them do that now, because they've pissed me the fuck off. I might even be forced to use strong fucking language of something. Useless bastards.
I have a plan! My plan is this: you get my baby back, or I'll castrate you and tell everyone you have syphillis.
Don't bother. And don't call me darling. I have a bone to pick with you. You have been utterly useless at getting back our TimeVatBaby, and I am beginning to think you just spent nearly two days in 19th C England shagging, and not getting anywhere at all.
Did you do it in your mother's house, eh? Did you? Did it turn you on? Mummy in the next room, you being a naughty boy? Were you thinking about her when you came?
You're a sick fuck, you really are. I'm going off with this handsome Jack guy. I'll deal with you later.
We looked for Fred! Everywhere! We even went to Penelope's house and looked around in scary dark corridors in case we found our beloved vat-baby! And you know how terrified I am of that woman, so you can see how much I must care about our baby to have done that.
*strangulated moan* That is the hottest thing you've ever said. Obviously, you are completely wrong about it all, though. Say it again? Please? I love you and so on.
Have I ever, ever lied to you, oh apple of my hearts' desire?
Not that I'm turned on my this, but if I was I would want to say how wonderful I think you are. You're all stern and maternal and I like that so much. Except obviously I don't. Spankings may be required, though. Just in general.
I may well spank you later. Just to teach you a lesson. You know Mummy doesn't like you being a dirty boy in her house. And you've been a dirty, filthy boy, haven't you? Tell me the truth.
*moans* Oh, God, I'm such a terrible person. *pounces*
I won't mess it up! We'll save Fred and then raise her to be as clever as me and as confident as you only less slutty. Oh, should we have her neutered just in case?
*spanks* Did I say you could pounce? Hmmm? What have I taught you about being polite and asking nicely? *spanks again* You're a very, very naughty boy.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2006-07-02 10:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-02 10:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-02 10:31 pm (UTC)Are you two shagging?
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Date: 2006-07-02 10:34 pm (UTC)None of your beeswax. *smug*
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Date: 2006-07-02 10:35 pm (UTC)...I feel sick now.
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Date: 2006-07-03 02:49 am (UTC)I love it when you go all shouty. Call me names.
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Date: 2006-07-03 07:11 am (UTC)Stop being a whore, Jack, there are more important things to attend to.
Later, though.no subject
Date: 2006-07-03 07:17 am (UTC)Look, you have every right to be angry. But while we're sitting here, admittedly pleasant as it is, your kid's in a laboratory. We need to retrieve that vat before they think of something worse to do than scans
or worse, the kid escapes. For that, I need your help.Call off Romana! There's only so long I can keep her distracted!
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Date: 2006-07-03 07:24 am (UTC)A laboratory? Oh, this just gets better and better. I expect when we get to the laboratory someone will say, "Oh, we left it in Aberdeen, go and talk to this other person about it." Go and get my baby back, or I shall be quite upset.
*shrug* What you and her get up to is no business of mine. You baby-stealer slapper.
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Date: 2006-07-03 07:35 am (UTC)No, I mean, convince her not to arrest me!
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Date: 2006-07-03 07:47 am (UTC)Oh, that. *sigh* I'll see what I can do.
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Date: 2006-07-03 08:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-03 08:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-03 08:16 am (UTC)They say they'll return the vat if I bring them Reinette. They don't want an angry Time Lord on their case and neither do I. They say all they want is to do some scans of the mother. Sure. You can see why I need your help, yours and Reinette's. Rose's, too, if she's up for it.
We need a plan.
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Date: 2006-07-03 08:23 am (UTC)Why the fuck would anyone want to scan Reinette? She's not that interesting. Anyway, I don't want to let them do that now, because they've pissed me the fuck off. I might even be forced to use strong fucking language of something. Useless bastards.
I have a plan! My plan is this: you get my baby back, or I'll castrate you and tell everyone you have syphillis.
And stop shagging Penelope, it's just wrong.
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Date: 2006-07-03 08:29 am (UTC)First you call me useless, now I'm dull as well?
Oh you are just cruising for a slapping off me, buttmunch.
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Date: 2006-07-03 08:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-03 08:49 am (UTC)I have a bone to pick with you.
You have been utterly useless at getting back our TimeVatBaby, and I am beginning to think you just spent nearly two days in 19th C England shagging, and not getting anywhere at all.
Did you do it in your mother's house, eh? Did you? Did it turn you on? Mummy in the next room, you being a naughty boy? Were you thinking about her when you came?
You're a sick fuck, you really are. I'm going off with this handsome Jack guy. I'll deal with you later.
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Date: 2006-07-03 08:57 am (UTC)*strangulated moan* That is the hottest thing you've ever said. Obviously, you are completely wrong about it all, though. Say it again? Please? I love you and so on.
DON'T LEAVE ME!
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Date: 2006-07-03 09:06 am (UTC)You have such issues, my dearest. *is slightly turned on* You've been a bad boy. Mummy may need to spank you for being so naughty.
I'M GOING TO GET OUR BABY!!!
I'd never leave you, you filthy alien tease.no subject
Date: 2006-07-03 09:14 am (UTC)Not that I'm turned on my this, but if I was I would want to say how wonderful I think you are. You're all stern and maternal and I like that so much. Except obviously I don't. Spankings may be required, though. Just in general.
I'LL HELP YOU!
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Date: 2006-07-03 09:24 am (UTC)I may well spank you later. Just to teach you a lesson. You know Mummy doesn't like you being a dirty boy in her house. And you've been a dirty, filthy boy, haven't you? Tell me the truth.
OK! FINE! You'd better not mess it up.
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Date: 2006-07-03 09:28 am (UTC)*moans* Oh, God, I'm such a terrible person. *pounces*
I won't mess it up! We'll save Fred and then raise her to be as clever as me and as confident as you only less slutty. Oh, should we have her neutered just in case?
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Date: 2006-07-03 09:34 am (UTC)*spanks* Did I say you could pounce? Hmmm? What have I taught you about being polite and asking nicely? *spanks again* You're a very, very naughty boy.
Neutering might be helpful, yes.
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Date: 2006-07-03 11:20 am (UTC)*mewls*
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